Don’t Be Afraid…

Basically, you can jump right in, hopefully with both feet. You don’t have to be a runner or a walker; hell you don’t even have to be a drinker, but you do have to be someone who wants to have fun and is willing to laugh at themselves.

A few disclaimers to help you get a better picture of what we are about:

We are merely a group of wanna-be runners and are not going to be impressed if you can sprint marathons. In events from running to swimming, Hashers have placed in the Olympics. We know we can but the point of the hash is to have fun first, exercise a very distant second, and safety third.

Additionally, this also is NOT going to be some type of workout. There are ways you can use it as such on a personal level eventually, but we recommend at your first few hashes just chilling out with the main pack and getting to know the hashers. The trail might be 6 miles or it might be 3. Heck, it could be only 1 mile. The whole purpose is to have fun, it’s not a race. There are plenty of local 5K and 10K events in the area if that is what you are looking for.

It is highly recommended you don’t show up wearing new shoes or a t-shirt from a race. That would be bad. We are not ‘racists’ [i.e. those who compete in races] and often run trails in the woods, in the mud, in the swamp.  Do you really want to get nice things broken in that way?  Wear your ragged, broken down, Goodwill-would-turn-it-away exercise clothes because there are no fashion statements here.

If words like Dick or Bitch or Tit or Wanker upset you, the hash probably isn’t the group for you. We are childish and sophomoric. We often call out for young ladies (hell, even old ladies) to show us their tits. Female hashers will yell out “Dicks out for the girls!” and they mean it. Not everybody flashes, and you are not required to do so. You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Not only in the hash, but in life.

Now if you’re still reading, when you show up, ask people where the hash cash is, then pay your five dollars. It’s $5 because beer isn’t free, much to our dismay. It’s a common question, even from those experienced hashers, so don’t be embarrassed. When you sign in tell the hash cash that you are new, i.e. ‘a virgin’. Hash cash will sign you in and then tell you to listen for someone yelling for “virgins” or “first time hashers”. If Hash Cash doesn’t tell you this then you should listen for someone else yelling for “virgins” or “first time hashers”.

The Religious Advisor will assign you a Drunken Hasher to explain what hashing is and how the trail is marked. Ask questions if you have them, otherwise you will be as dumb as the rest of the pack, which isn’t very smart.

After the hash, you (and any other virgins) will be brought into the middle of our group, and you will tell us what you learned from your Drunken Hasher. We will then sing you a song and invite you to drink a beer. If you want something else like water or soda let the person who gave you the beer know. You’re a big kid and you have a voice; we encourage you to use it. Then after our little ceremony, we will go off to some bar and drink, eat, and create a nuisance.