Don’t Be Afraid…
Basically, you can jump right in, hopefully with both feet. You don’t have to be a runner or a walker, hell you don’t even have to be a drinker, but you do have to be someone who wants to have fun and is willing to laugh at themselves (and others. Why not – everybody is going to laugh at you, so you might as well laugh at them.)
Don’t show up at a hash if words like Bitch or Tit or Wanker upset you. We are childish and sophomoric. We often call out for young ladies (hell, even old ladies) to show us their tits. Female hashers will yell out “Dicks out for the girls!” and they mean it. Not everybody flashes, and you are not required to do so. You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Not only in the hash, but in life.
Don’t show up if you think you are somehow this great runner, and we are merely a group of wanna-be runners that you can impress with your running abilities. Go play with somebody else. In events from running to swimming, Hashers have placed in the Olympics. We know we can, but the point of the hash is to have fun first, exercise a very distant second and safety third.
Don’t show up if you think this is going to be some type of workout. It isn’t. The trail might be 6 miles or it might be 3. Heck it could be only 1 mile. The whole purpose is to have fun, not race. If you want to race, sign up for a local 10k.
Don’t show up wearing new shoes or a t-shirt from a race. That would be bad. Don’t wear a hat in one of our circles. That would be bad. Being a fashion statement would be bad. Don’t be bad.
When you show up, ask people where the hash cash is, then pay up. It’s $5 because beer isn’t free. It’s a common question, even from those experienced hashers, so don’t be embarrassed. When you sign in tell the hash cash that you are new, i.e. ‘a virgin’. Hash cash will sign you in, and then tell you to listen for someone yelling for “virgins” or “first time hashers”, if Hash Cash doesn’t tell you this then you should listen for someone else yelling for “virgins” or “first time hashers”.
The Religious Advisor will assign you a Drunken Hasher to explain what hashing is and how the trail is marked. Ask questions if you have them, otherwise you will be as dumb as the rest of the pack, which isn’t very smart.
After the hash, you (and any other virgins) will be brought into the middle of our group, and you will tell us what you learned from your Drunken Hasher. We will then sing you a song and you will drink a beer. If you want something else like water or soda let the person who gave you the beer know. If you don’t say anything, we will expect that beer is all right. If you want soda or water, ask for soda or water; you’re a big kid and you have a voice, use it.
After our little ceremony, we will go off to some bar and drink, eat, and create a nuisance.